


how the light gets in

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi, Other, eliza and aaron are trans, henry laurens is a shithead, john is just a misunderstood gay kid who loves turtles, lafayette is nonbinary, peggy and john are my faves in this okay bye, peggy is agender and aro/ace, so please don't judge me, this is my first time posting a hamilton fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-23 20:50:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6129673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We are all broken. That's how the light gets in." -Ernest Hemingway</p><p>Lafayette regretted being sent to detention at first. But no one (except maybe Henry Laurens) regretted the aftermath of meeting one John Laurens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Lafayette's hands found their way to Hercules's, long fingers intertwining. 

"Laf, you should go sit down," Hercules whispered, his eyes shooting to the exasperated teacher who was busy trying to get some kid who was listening to music to participate. 

"I should," they agreed, "but I'm not going to." They kissed Hercules's forehead, and continued to fiddle with his fingers; their painted nails glittered with each movement. Lafayette ached to be touched, and they would accept being scolded at by the teacher if it meant seeing the contrast between their slender hands and Hercules's large, rough ones. Touching and being touched—especially by Hercules—was worth it.

Surrounding the two students, was their Spanish class that had turned into complete chaos. Well, maybe that was an overstatement. But the class was not under the teacher's control. The teacher had had enough and started passing out detention slips.

Lafayette was standing next to Hercules whose seat was far from their assigned seat, and that's how they ended up in detention that afternoon.

x

The room in which detention was held was a science classroom, and Lafayette sat next to a boy who had gotten in trouble for fighting. Well, the kid got in trouble for fighting pretty often. His name was John, or was it Jack? Lafayette didn't know him too well, but they did notice and nod approvingly at the rainbow badge on his backpack. 

Lafayette looked around the classroom, taking in their surroundings. Bored, they sighed and snuck out their phone.

Me: herc can you pick me up from detention  
bae <3: sure thing. are you hungry? should I bring you some food?  
Me: s’il te plaît. j'ai très faim.

Lafayette sent the last message and hid their phone again. Hercules wasn't fluent in French but luckily spoke enough to know when his datemate was hungry. Soon enough, the students were dismissed, and they began walking to the school's exit. 

"Dad, please. I'm sorry," John/Jack said into his phone, but whoever he was pleading to hung up on him.

"Ugh." He looked pissed, cheeks flushed with anger. 

"You okay, man?" Lafayette asked, suddenly worried about the stranger who clearly had daddy issues and a short temper. 

"I'll be fine. I'll just have to catch the city bus."

"That thing doesn't come until cinq—five—o'clock. You should catch a ride with me, my boyfriend is driving." John bit his lip in contemplation and took Lafayette up on their offer. 

"Thanks." As John said this, Hercules drove up to them in his cheap, used car that he bought with the money he had earned for working with Mr. Washington the previous summer. He fucking loved that car. 

He had driven Laf on their first date in that car, Laf had come out to him in that car, he and Laf had had sex with each other for the first time in that car... 

And before Hercules could ask who the guy who was opening the door to the back seat and climbing into his car was, Lafayette slid in next to him and took his lips into a chaste kiss. "Who's that?" Herc asked, pulling away.

"That's John—or Jack—Laurens. He needed a ride."

At the mention of his name, John pursed his lips and gave a casual, two-fingered salute. "Either name. And I can leave if you want. I don't really know what I'd do if you kicked me out, but it's your car, man," he shrugged.

"Nah, it's okay. Where should I drop you off?"

x

John sauntered into his homeroom class, abundant brown curls falling into his face. His outfit was meant to appear deceptively unplanned, and to piss off his father. A plain white t-shirt, blue jeans, and a black jacket. Not to mention the "black lives matter" wristband that ceaselessly spurred his father's disapproval. He strived to have an aura of apathy, but he was all but uncaring when it came to activism. He also thoroughly enjoyed pissing off his father.

He was 5 years old when he first saw his father explosively angry.

He was 7 when his father stopped pretending to care about John's drawings of sea animals.

He was 13 when he realized he preferred sharp jawlines and broad shoulders over soft curves and long hair. Despite his best efforts to change himself, he found that soft curves didn't really appeal to him at all.

He was 16 when he stopped caring. His father caught him with his lips on his best friend's while they were supposedly studying in John's room. Henry Laurens had broken off the lock on John's door, and Jack decided to disallow his father from having any control over his emotions.

x

Lafayette handed a classmate a couple of dollars so that he could purchase a lunch, and offered to let the new kid sit with their group.

"Uh, another boy offered to let me sit with him," Alex had said, glancing in the direction of the handsome guy who he met in Mr. Washington's class, a boy with curly hair and freckles. Lafayette saw Alex's glance and offered to let John sit with them, too.

 

Hercules walked up to Lafayette and looped his arm around their waist whilst greeting the new kid, Alexander.

Lafayette, ever affectionate, pulled him into a short kiss, and Alexander's eyes widened.

“Oh, you two are dating?” Alex started, his light accent infinitesimally audible. “I should sit with him, then…I really don't want to intrude…” His voice trailed off, and it became obvious that he couldn't have cared less about intruding—he just wanted to sit with John.

“You wouldn't be intruding, petit lion,” Lafayette said, nodding in the direction of their table. “We have a whole group of friends there. It would be nice to meet some new friends on your first day, n’est-ce pas?”

Maybe it was the French that won him over, because soon enough, Alexander found himself being introduced to the Schuyler sisters—and Peggy, the Schuyler sibling. 

Alexander was welcomed with open arms and shamelessly flirting with Eliza by the time he glanced back at John. But when he turned back, he saw no one at the table.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A focus on the other characters in this au.

Helpless was the only word to describe how Eliza felt after meeting Alexander. Oh god, was she down for the count.

Angelica had told her about him between classes; she described the new kid as an overachiever who would rather die than keep his mouth shut. Angelica was always so good at reading people. But she never mentioned those eyes. 

This one’s mine, Eliza decided when he introduced himself. As Lafayette and Hercules had led him to the table, Angelica told her that that was him. Alexander Hamilton. 

But Eliza didn't notice the look in her sister's eyes when she saw him. She just wanted to know him more—and that could be enough for her. 

The rest of the group had settled into their respective seats at the table, and Eliza began to ask Alexander about his schedule; she wanted to know if she would see him again that day.

Until he glanced back at John Laurens’ empty table and despondency began to shadow his face. Eliza decided not to say anything. “He’s unsatisfied”, Angelica whispered to herself.

And Eliza still felt so helpless.

x

Angelica just wanted her family to be happy. Especially Eliza, she was certain no one was as trusting or as kind as she was. Angelica also knew that Alexander was intelligent—she was sure they could match wits if given the chance. 

And the last fundamental truth she realized was that he would never be satisfied.

But maybe she could grant her sister the chance she hadn't been given. No, the chance she forfeited when she noticed how Eliza blushed when she first looked into Alexander’s eyes. Or when she found herself being enchanted and intrigued by his words. She finally met someone at her level, but it was with one hell of a catch.

She pondered the events of the day as she walked to her next class. Her sense of dissatisfaction turned to defensive anger when she saw Miss Maria Lewis being shouted at by her asshole boyfriend, James Reynolds. Before she knew what she was doing, she had pulled him away from her.

x

Alexander was kind of dreading seeing the cute guy with freckles again. He had been sort of obligated to sit with him during lunch, and he knowingly bailed on him. But he wasn't going to let himself think about that. 

In lieu of needlessly angsting over someone whose name he hadn't thought to ask, he decided to focus on his surroundings. He sat in a science classroom, taught by Mr. Franklin, who was late to his own class. Alexander chose a seat in the front, next to Peggy. Xe greeted him, and Alexander noticed how interesting Peggy truly was.

Xe was quiet, shy, pensive, but xe dressed so boldly. Black lipstick on xyr lips that rarely spoke. Then Alexander realized he was staring. Mr. Franklin walked into the classroom and Alexander stood up to introduce himself. Thomas Jefferson's eyes narrowed at him from the back of the class.

x

Thomas pulled out his phone and began texting James.

YOU: so I've finally seen the new kid burr was talking about  
lil’ jemmy: and??  
lil’ jemmy: is he as much of an ass as burr described him to be  
YOU: I haven't decided yet. he's acquainted with one of the schuylers, it seems  
lil’ jemmy: that could be either great or terrible  
YOU: yes indeedy  
YOU: anyways I gotta go  
lil’ jemmy: bye 

x

Aaron turned off his phone and slipped out of his binder. He stretched and breathed deeply. He slid back into his shirt, shut his door, and started on his ample homework. His phone buzzed, and he saw another text from Theodosia, his girlfriend. He saw her each summer, but she lived in Georgia. 

Theo <3: 5 ap classes??? sweetie that's too much  
YOU: says you  
YOU: you did the same thing when you were in highschool don't play with me  
Theo <3: shit ur right  
Theo <3: but take care of yourself okay?  
Theo <3: have you been binding properly?

Aaron paused.

YOU: uh  
YOU: sorta  
YOU: I'm not wearing it rn and that's what counts, right?  
Theo <3: noooo  
Theo <3: take care of yourself, Aaron  
Theo <3: I love you  
YOU: I love you too

Aaron turned off his phone once again and returned to his homework. 

x

Angelica regretted nothing. Yes, she was sitting in detention, and yes, she now had a flaw on her otherwise perfect disciplinary record, but she now also had Maria Lewis’ phone number. 

All for the low price of punching James Reynolds in the nose. Bored, Angelica decided to test out Maria’s number. 

YOU: Maria? This is Angelica  
Maria ( ˘ ³˘): hello!

Angelica smiled at her phone and began typing.

YOU: I'm in detention rn but it's worth it  
Maria ( ˘ ³˘): aw  
YOU: ye ye  
YOU: how's your boyfriend?  
Maria ( ˘ ³˘): *ex boyfriend

Angelica grinned, contentment filling her heart. Maybe she could be satisfied, talking to Maria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Chapter 3 should be coming soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Alexander walked up the concrete staircase that led to his and his cousin's apartment. He winced at the pain in his shoulders, induced by heavy textbooks and a cheap backpack. He shuffled into the apartment, setting his backpack down at the front door and stretching. The place was empty, his cousin slaving away at a job he wasn't paid enough for. As this thought crossed his mind, the bitter seed planted in Alexander's heart after his mother’s death made itself evident. 

Alexander didn't even try to push it away anymore. 

Opening and then closing the empty fridge and exiting the foodless kitchenette, Alexander walked back to his backpack and sat on the living room floor to finish his homework. He’d finished most of it at the public library, but when there was nothing else to do, working on an assignment that was due in three weeks seemed appealing. 

Alexander buried himself in his work until eleven o’clock at night when his cousin entered the barren apartment, groceries in hand. Alexander’s stomach growled at the thought of food being in the bag, even though he knew the food likely consisted of bruised fruits and nearly sour milk. 

Alexander nodded at him in greeting and stood up to relieve his cousin of the bag. Peering inside of it, he found an apple, bruised and yellow. Greedily, he reached for it and took a large bite. He gratefully nibbled at the apple as his cousin exited the kitchen. 

Alexander sighed, opening the blinds to the window and looking outside. He only saw impoverished streets, but he knew that one day he would be able to push open his curtains and find the stunning New York skyline.

He had completed his homework, but he still had so much to do.

x

Hercules was spending the night at Lafayette's house to “study”.

Lafayette kissed Hercules as his hands rested at their hips. They wore tight black leggings, and Hercules moved one hand to free their hair from the hair-tie. Hercules could taste their purple lipstick. Their kiss deepened and Lafayette jumped up to wrap their legs around Hercules's hips. Hercules grinned and moved to sit down, pausing the kiss to look into their eyes. When he sat down, Hercules ignored the previous kiss, opting to suck the perfumed skin of Lafayette's neck and collarbone. Lafayette moaned, hands grappling at Herc's shoulders. And then their phone buzzed.

"Fuck, babe, why didn't you put your phone on silent?" Hercules sighed, disappointed at the distraction.

"Ah, sorry. It's Thomas," Lafayette said, not really answering Hercules's question. They unlocked their phone and read his messages.

From tom-tom: ughhhhhhhhhh  
From tom-tom: why is james so cute  
From tom-tom: why is he so smart  
From tom-tom: why isn't he gay  
From tom-tom: life is so unfair

Lafayette rolled their eyes and responded, Hercules lying down.

To tom-tom: you aren't gay either, mon ami  
To tom-tom: why must I constantly remind you of this  
From tom-tom: geez stop reminding me of the specifics  
From tom-tom: how do I get rid of feelings, laf  
To tom-tom: thomas why are you even texting me right now  
To tom-tom: it's almost twelve am  
To tom-tom: and I'm with herc.  
From tom-tom: (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
From tom-tom: have fun and goodnight

Lafayette silenced their phone and set it on the nightstand. 

"Sorry, mon chou," they apologized, straddling Hercules. Hercules raised an eyebrow and accepted their apology with a kiss. 

“Remember, Herc, we ‘ave to be quiet because George and Martha are downstairs,” Lafayette jokingly reminded. Hercules chuckled inwardly and kissed them softly. Lafayette gladly reciprocated.

x

The next weekend, Peggy found xemself pouring a coconut smelling concoction into xyr hair. 

“Are you sure this is legit, Ange?” xe asked, combing through xyr hair. 

“Of course, Maria told me about this,” Angelica paused. “Have you seen her braids?”

“Shit, you have a point.” 

“I always am.”

Eliza smiled at her siblings, laughing at their conversation. Angelica sat next to her with a towel wrapped around her hair, tapping away at her phone. Eliza peered over her shoulder to see exactly who she was texting. Swiftly, Eliza snatched the phone from her grasp. 

“Eliza! Give it back!” Angelica shouted, trying to grab her phone from Eliza’s grip.

“Nope. Oooh, Maria’s contact name has a little kissy emoji next to it, how cute,” Eliza teased, scrolling through Angelica's messages to Maria.

“Why are you doing this, Eliza? I have been nothing but a kind and supportive sister to you,” Angelica blushed, still trying to retrieve her phone.

Eliza found their first messages to each other, finding where Maria said that she broke up with James.

“She's not with James anymore?” Eliza asked, eyes widening. She'd heard that he didn't take rejection too well, and Eliza knew that their relationship hadn't been the healthiest. 

“Yeah, I didn't want to just ask her about it though, I mean, it's not the most casual subject, you know?” 

“Yeah, you're right,” Eliza agreed, looking over at Peggy, who'd been listening silently.

“What do you think, Pegs?” Angelica asked, setting her phone down next to her.

“I dunno, Ange,” xe started, “I just hope Maria's safe. We can all tell you like her, anyways.”

Angelica sighed and rested her head on Eliza's shoulder. 

“Anyways,” Peggy said, “my hair looks pretty good. Tell Maria that.”

x

John yawned, stepping out of bed. He walked into the kitchen where his father’s maid and his little brother, Jemmy, stood. All his siblings were still asleep or occupying themselves silently. Except for Jemmy.

“Good morning, Ms. Lewis,” John greeted.

Ms. Lewis gave a simple hello, focused on preparing breakfast and keeping Jemmy, who was trying to help clean the kitchen, from becoming too noisy as to not bother John’s father.

“Hey, Jemmy. Do you wanna go play outside?” John asked, wanting to get him out of Ms. Lewis’ hands. She was his classmate’s, Maria's, mother. John had always had a healthy respect for her. 

“Uh huh! Let's go, Jackie!” Jemmy exclaimed, already halfway out the door. John turned around to wink at the maid. Ms. Lewis was a short black woman whose smile was just like her daughter's. She nodded in appreciation.

“Jackie! Jackie!” Jemmy hollered. The nine year old had climbed one of the trees in the backyard and was too scared to climb down. He had done this many times before, and John was always there with his arms wide, grinning at his younger brother.

After what had happened with his (former) best friend, John had often contemplated suicide. But he always stopped himself because no one else would be there to catch Jemmy when he was too scared to climb down. His siblings were the only reason he held on.

Ms. Lewis called to the two that breakfast was ready. John walked back inside the house with his brother.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mention of suicide.

George Washington listened to Eliza as she told him what Alexander had just told her.

She started with how his mother died of an easily curable illness, how he wrote himself and his cousin out of a small island in the Caribbean, and about how he spoke to her that morning, silent tears streaming down his face. Eliza told Mr. Washington how the night before, he walked into his cousin's room and found him dead. 

Alexander hadn't told her that he found a notice of termination where a suicide note would've been.

Eliza looked up at Mr. Washington, telling him not to let Alexander know that she had told. He had begged her not to tell anyone that morning, but she would not allow Alexander to keep what had happened to himself. It ached for him to not care for her as she cared for him, but Eliza was willing to set her unrequited pining aside and help Alexander.

They'd known each other for only a few weeks and already Alexander was practically an honorary Schuyler because of how often he had been visiting the Schuyler residence. After Alexander told Eliza about the course of his life, she found that looking into his eyes made her feel like the sky was the limit. She was sure he could make history, she could sense it. Eliza left Mr. Washington’s classroom as the bell rang.

Alexander could see her exiting the classroom. His eyebrows furrowed and his mouth opened, demanding to know whether or not she had told Mr. Washington what he told her in confidence that same morning. Eliza wasn't sorry.

x

George said goodbye to Eliza as she exited his classroom with the ringing of the school’s bell. He sighed and considered what he could do about Alexander's situation. Eliza really should have gone to the school's counselor about that, but with George being employed at King’s High School, the counselor’s position was practically useless. 

George decided that he would have Alexander sent to his classroom during his planning period, and he would offer to provide a place for him to stay for the time being. George didn't mind. Alexander was an intelligent kid who just had an overwhelming sense of responsibility. And if Alexander insisted against it, George would just insist that he must.

He was very stubborn, though. It was likely going to be very difficult for him to convince Alexander to let George take care of him. He contacted his wife to tell her about their current predicament. He asked her if they'd be able to accommodate yet another parent-less child.

x

Maria yawned in the school restroom, dabbing concealer beneath her eyes. She pulled her long, brown braids into a loose bun and made herself appear less tired than she really was. Her mom's boss had cut her mom’s pay, so Maria decided to take on a few more hours at her after school job to help out. 

She tugged her backpack onto her shoulders and bumped into some girls as they were walking into the restroom. Maria could hear how they spoke about her behind her back. Maria blinked back tears. She walked to class. Fuck, she forgot to study for that chemistry test.

x

James coughed, reaching for his inhaler. He shook his head disapprovingly at John, who still smelled of cigarettes. The scent disgusted James and brought him into another coughing fit.

John and James had always been friendly with each other, bonding over the fact that they were both gay and on the asexual spectrum and had homophobic parents. Contrasting John, however, James actually cared about his grades. John tugged open James’ backpack, taking out his homework to copy. James rolled his eyes, handing the other the homework sheets.

x

“Alexandre? Why are you crying?”

“I'm not.”

Lafayette sighed and walked to their sobbing friend.

“What's wrong? Please don't lie to me.” They wrapped their arms around him. It must've appeared odd, as they were holding a sobbing boy in a restroom that didn't match their gender, but Laf didn't care.

“I don't want to talk about it. Leave me alone, go eat with the others,” Alex distanced himself from Lafayette, referring to the group of friends Laf had forsaken in pursuit of their crying friend.

“I won't leave until you tell me what's wro—” Lafayette stopped as John interrupted, asking if Alex was alright.

“I said I'm fine!” Alexander exclaimed, interrupting John who was just asking if Alex was okay. The bathroom’s dim fluorescent lighting caused Alexander's glossy eyes to shine and the tears that rolled down his face reminded John of raindrops on car windows. Quickly accumulating and rolling even faster.

“Alright, alright,” John stepped between Lafayette and their friend who was trying (and failing) to hide any evidence of his previous sobbing. “Let's leave Alex alone.” He raised his hand to comfortingly rest on the smaller boy’s shoulder, his hand hovering a bit as if asking for permission.”If you don't wanna talk about it, we won't push you to. Right?”

Lafayette nodded, sensing that the others in the room wanted them to back off.

Alex sniffled a bit, glancing at Lafayette who averted their gaze remorsefully. “Thank you, …?” His voice trailed off, wordlessly asking his savior’s name.

“John or Jack Laurens—whichever you prefer,” John answered. 

“Well thank you, John.”

“I think it may be time for me to actually take you up on your offer to eat lunch with you.”

“Really? It's been about a month since then.”

“You'd be surprised by how much can change within a month.”

“Oh really? Why don't you enlighten me then?”

The two walked out of the restroom, leaving Lafayette, silent and guilty. 

Laf nearly washed their hands raw, using the sensation of the hot water and the scent of the soap to pull their mind off the previous events.

They didn't stop until Thomas found them, eyes glazed and distant.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic on ao3 and comments and kudos are always appreciated!


End file.
